Just One Sneeze
by DarkLordJames
Summary: How can one sneeze in the most pivotal part of the series change the life of Percy Jackson forever?
1. Chapter 1

Percy Jackson sprinted through what could only be described as the Ruins of Olympus. Who knew that an immortal Titan, inhabiting the body of a skilled Demi-god, and swinging what amounted to a farming instrument could cause such damage. Leaping over the body of a bisected Dionysus statue, and absent-mindedly kicking away a bobblehead of Ares, he continued onward. Barely did he notice the huffing, and puffing, of Annabeth and Grover as they tried to keep up with his pace. He did, however, recognized the continued cursing of Thalia in the distance as she was trapped under the Hera statue. It was very unfortunate that the rest of their allies where either fighting Typhon, or trapped far below fighting the vast Titan armies.

Percy did a double take when he noticed just how much damage a Temple of Apollo had taken. Almost like the Titan of Time had taken special care to destroy it. Perhaps Kronos had heard some of Apollo's awful haiku's and decided the God needed a special punishment? He couldn't help but think what Apollo would say now. Maybe something along the lines of:

_Kronos is evil_

_Will Olympus get destroyed?_

_No, Apollo will help_

Wait, no, that didn't seem right. Did the last line have too many syllables? Ah well, he'd ask the God later. If they all survived at least, which seemed increasingly unlikely. How was a simple demi-god like him meant to defeat the big bad of the Greek World. Should he ask Gramps politely to change his mind? _'Look Grandpa Kronos, I know your kids are terrible. You probably got indigestion from eating Hades, and I would pr_obably go crazy _too if I had a son like Zeus. But surely you could change your mind? It's not Zeus' fault he's got the intelligence of a potato. Probably bad genetics.'_

Yeah, Percy was sure that would convince Kronos to stop his mass murdering rampage. The Son of Poseidon heard Annabeth call for him to slow down, but there was no time for that. Huh, no time, how very punny of him. Eventually his thought process was broken when he finally saw the entrance to the Throne Room. Greek architecture, check. Engravings of Gods, and heroes, check. Crumpled in doors, check.

It did irritate Percy slightly that it had taken this long to get to the Throne Room. Why did Olympus have to be so very big? It probably was easy for the massively large Gods to wander at ease, but for the vertically challenged mortals like himself it was murder on the legs. It was most definitely done deliberately, only the Gods would be so inconsiderate to others.

It was only as Percy was going to pass through the doors that it finally hit him like a brick wall, and he stopped. Percy could die here today, and most likely would. He, a meager Demi-god against the Titan Lord. Was he ready to die? Before he could continue this line of thought, Grover caught up, and unfortunately didn't notice that Percy had stopped, barreling into him and pushing them both through the door.

They landed in a jumbled heap, after bouncing done a few steps. Percy's face was full of goat hoof, and the smell of wet barnyard animal. Percy really hoped that it wasn't urine wetting the fur, but that the satyr had just slipped in a pond or something during the fight. Groaning with discomfort, Percy tried disentangling himself from his friend, and stand in a heroic pose befitting the future Savior of Olympus.

The sound of a slow clap echoing throughout the chamber stopped him in his tracks. Hesitantly looking up he saw his old nemesis, Luke. The sandy blonde hair, and pale scarred face was familiar. Though the golden eyes of Kronos still sent a shiver through Percy. It was the condescending smirk on the face, and slowly clapping hands of the Titan that really sent a blush of embarrassment to Percy's cheeks. The disbelieving looks on Ethan Nakamura's, Son of Nemesis, face also didn't help. Nor was the audible face palm, and muttered "Seaweed Brain" behind him.

A whimpered mutter of "Enchilada's" next to him kickstarted Percy back in action. Quickly, he pulled himself away from his goatly friend, and drew out the pen, Riptide, from his pocket. Striking, what he honestly believed was an intimidating pose, Percy called out.

"Your plot stops now, Kronos!"

Even the Titan of Time couldn't hide his incredulous stare at the hero meant to oppose him. A sixteen-year-old teen, in ripped up clothing, brandishing a capped pen with a still immobile satyr at his feet was hardly challenging. Neither was the blond teenage girl behind him still murmuring about idiotic Sea Spawn, and how they were all doomed.

Kronos looked between his own, evilly glinting scythe, and Percy's sword repeatedly before raising a single eyebrow.

"Ah, right, knew I forgot something." Percy muttered, before uncapping the pen and unleashing the awesome blade of Anaklusmos. The blade glowed with a soft light, and Kronos shook his head in disappointment. With a flick of the Titan's wrist his own weapon transformed into the sword known as Backbiter.

Percy, recklessly, charged at the Titan and swung with all his might towards the seemingly unprotected chest. Only to realize, slightly belatedly, that the Titan had swam in the River Styx like himself. The sword bounced of the toned pecs with the only noticeable impact being the Titan taking a half step back.

"My turn!" Kronos whispered in glee, before swinging Backbiter at Percy. Only just did the Demi-god manage to raise his blade in time. The force of the blow slammed into him like a freight train, sending Percy flying to the other side of the Throne Room and crashing into the Throne of Aphrodite. Cracks appeared along the base of the throne, as a high pitch squealing emitted from it. The sound like hundreds of fangirls at a Justin Bieber concert. All members inside the room covered their ears in both physical pain, and mental anguish. Sadly, that wasn't the worst of it. An oversized bottle of perfume popped out, and blasted Percy's face with a pink smoke.

The Son of Poseidon immediately dropped to the floor choking, his sea green eyes streamed with tears, and a strangled gasp forced its way out his throat. All looked at him in shock, and a little bit of glee in Kronos' case. To Percy it was like being overwhelmed with scented candles. Every smell in the world seemed to converge on him, as the almost noxious fumes clung to the insides of his mouth. Slowly, the squealing sound died down, and the perfume bottle disappeared as suddenly as it had arrived. All that was left was Percy gasping on the floor, dramatically reaching into the air like he was dying.

With a smirk, Kronos casually strolled towards the incapacitated Demi-god. All noticed that the glow around the Titan was intensifying. Soon he would be ready to escape the body of Luke, and release the true form of a Titan Lord. Annabeth, fear plainly showing in her grey eyes, scrambled over. Quickly, she placed herself in front of Percy, her dagger raised in front of her.

"Please, Luke, don't do this. You promised." She spoke up, an audible hitch in her voice. For a second they all thought it worked, Kronos has stopped for a moment. Then he broke out in loud booming laughter. Turning to Ethan, he gestured between Annabeth and himself. The message clear to all, _'Can you believe this?'_

Somehow composing himself, Kronos shook his head in exasperation. Slowly, he reached over and plucked the dagger from Annabeth's grasp before throwing it behind him. A strangled cry, had the Titan turning once more. Whoops, the dagger had landed in Ethan's chest. They all took a moment to stare at the surprised, and dying, Son of Nemesis.

"Whoops, guess I'd have to find Perseus' weak spot myself." Kronos mumbled abashedly. Shrugging, he then pushed Annabeth to the side causing her to fall to the floor, and continued to his current rival. Percy struggled to get to his feet, still filling the after effects of Aphrodite's Perfume. Note to self, she is one lethal Goddess. He tried to stare defiantly at Kronos, but struggled to when all he could taste was Lavender.

"Will you please tell me your weak point, dear grandson?" Kronos asked, hopefully.

"How about no?" Was Percy's response, almost taking delight in the frustrated huff of Kronos. They both stared at each, analyzing, and trying to work out the next course of action. Though Percy was personally thinking about whether or not Aphrodite was the real big bad of the universe.

Sighing, Kronos seemed to come to a conclusion as he stepped closer once more, raising Backbiter almost casually. A shouted 'Percy' interrupted their final showdown as Grover seemed to come to his sense. The half-goat, half-man, bleated heatedly at the Titan of Time, and charged forward brandishing a flower?

It got even more confusing when Kronos backed away, fear apparent in his face.

"S...s...stay away from me, Satyr!" Kronos stuttered, as he made a retreat. It was everyone else who froze in disbelief, almost like they had been frozen in time. Kronos almost hid behind the throne of Zeus, peeking out behind it warily at Grover.

"Errr, what?" Percy asked intelligently, looking at Annabeth for answers. Though even the Daughter of the Wisdom Goddess looked baffled. Before they could continue their investigation, the golden glow of Kronos became almost unbearably bright. With a grin, Kronos stepped out once more.

"Yes, I'm ready to enter my true form now. Then there will be no one capable of defeating me." Kronos declared.

Percy looked despondently at the sight before him. Kronos was right, they couldn't stop him, but maybe...

"Quick, Grover attack him!"

"Bahhhhh, what?" His friend bleated in fright. It was here that Percy made a choice, The Choice. Without regard for his friend's safety, Percy picked up the satyr and launched him at the Titan of Time. Grover let out a few choice curses as he flew towards Kronos. Arms and legs flailed everywhere as he landed with a slump at the feet of the Titan.

Kronos seemed petrified in fear as he stared at Grover. Slowly, his face scrunched up, his nose wrinkling.

"No, my allergies!" He cried, before letting loose an enormous sneeze. The sneeze shaking the very foundations of Mount Olympus. Several things happened simultaneously with that sneeze.

Firstly, his arm, still gripping Backbiter, jerked upwards uncontrollably and the tip of the sword pierced a spot under the side of his other arm. It actually pierced, managing with pure luck to hit his one mortal spot and killing the Titan of Time. The second thing, was Grover did manage to pee himself. A puddle forming under his body as he whimpered in fear.

The third, and last thing, was even more significant. A golden wave of light erupted from the dying Titan's chest. It harmlessly passed over the heads of the still laying Annabeth, and Grover, before slamming into Percy. The wave sent him flying backwards, once more towards the Throne of Aphrodite.

Percy was sure he was going to die a horrible, painful death involving an enormous amount of perfume. Closing his eyes, he desperately wished he was anywhere but here. He did not want to be known as the hero who tragically died from a combination of a sneezing Titan, and the Goddess of Loves chair. It would be so embarrassing. He would surely have to hide out in the Fields of Punishment to escape the amusement of the fellow heroes in Elysium.

It was only after several long minutes of desperately wishing that he realized he had yet to hit the throne, or anything in fact. Instead, he was still weightless as if flying. Hesitantly, Percy opened his eyes to look around. All he could see was a golden whirlpool, slowly drawing him. Suddenly, it sped up, faster and faster, making him want to puke.

It ended just as abruptly, as Percy felt himself slam into something, and the world went dark. The first sensation that came back to Percy was feeling. He could feel himself sitting on something that suspiciously felt like a horse. It also felt like something was wrapped tightly around his ankles. Rope maybe?

Then the sounds hit him, and it was then that Percy knew that he should have been careful what he wished for. Some God, most likely Hades, had a very sick and twisted sense of humor. Percy was most definitely in the Fields of Punishment, and his punishment was to listen to the irritating voice of one of his least favorite Gods.

"You thought, perhaps, that the immortal, all-powerful director of camp would not notice you leaving without permission?" Dionysus asked, and all Percy could do was whimper in response.

**AN: I can honestly say I have no idea where I'm going with this. Just a random thought that entered my head. I had my brother randomly select a chapter from a random PJ book, and I decided that would be where he would end up. This fic would most likely be considered a Crack!fic. I do not apologize. Hopefully someone finds it funny, amusing, or just slightly entertaining. I will update it when I can.**

**Ah yeah, and if I need to explain it to you, the prophecy was completed. The Heroes soul was Luke's, the cursed blade Backbiter, and the single choice was Percy's choice to throw Grover at the Titan rather than fight him himself. And the rest is same as canon.**


	2. Chapter 2

There was silence for a few moments, his decidedly unmanly whimper hanging through the air, lingering to prolong his suffering and eternal shame. Screwing up what remained of his dignity, and courage, Percy opened his eyes to take in the scene around him, and thankfully it wasn't the Underworld, as he first thought. Unless, Hades had been granted a larger special effects budget purely for the reason to make Percy's suffering as terrible as possible. He wouldn't put it past Zeus to arbitrarily allocate Godly budgets.

Still, this scene seemed familiar. Percy was astride Blackjack, grapevines had them pinned in place atop a building, and floating in midair was one of his least favorite God's giving him a look of concern? Why would Mr. D ever be concerned for him? Ah right, the whimper. It probably wasn't often someone whimpered in his presence, he didn't exactly scream danger. After another eternity of waiting, it finally hit Percy why this was familiar. It was exactly like that quest to save Artemis, and Annabeth. Percy snuck out to join the quest, and this God had caught him. How did the conversation go?

In his musing, it seemed the God of Wine decided to(fortunately) pretend the whimper never happened.

"I should throw you off this building, minus the flying horse, and see how heroic you sound on the way down."

Another involuntary whimper escaped Percy's throat. Why did he have to keep whimpering like a scared little boy? Perhaps partly because now it seemed real to him. Percy swore those were the exact words Mr D used the first time. So, unless Hades was eavesdropping on this particular conversation years ago (Which he would not put past that creepy dude), or Dionysius helped form Percy's eternal punishment (Still highly likely), then he was not in the Underworld as first thought. No, that titanic sneeze might just have boosted Percy to the past. Internally, the demigod cursed Grover and his goatly legs. The Son of Poseidon did not want to relieve all those years of school again. However, for now, that was just a theory, he would have to see if it was true or not by going along.

Percy's pondering was, rudely, interrupted by the God bursting into giant belly-shaking laughter.

"Hahahahaha, yes that's exactly how heroic you would be. I was right!" He sneered at Percy, purple eyes alight with amusement. It seemed the other man could graciously ignore one whimper, but two was beyond him. Frantically, Percy tried to remember how this conversation went originally so that Mr D would just let him continue on the quest, and finish his mental breakdown.

"Please, Sir, I have to go on this quest. I've got to help my friends." He begged, briefly he remembered how badly it went last time when he challenged the God, and quickly adjusted, "Surely you understand?"

Dionysus gave him a considering look, the amusement dying out of his eyes. The grapevines tightened slightly before going considerably looser.

"Do you know the story of Ariadne, young man?" The Camp Director questioned, "Beautiful young princess of Crete?"

Percy struggled to remember the story, sure it was the same one Mr D spoke of the first time.

"She tried to help someone? A hero I think, and he betrayed her. Abandoned her." He struggled to say.

Mr D sneered, though not directly at Percy this time.

"Theseus, Son of Poseidon, a hero!" The God stated it mockingly. Before piercing Percy with his eyes.

"Helping friends is dangerous, it's deadly, and often you get betrayed for your efforts. Your fatal flaw is loyalty, you would do well to remember it is not everyone's."

The words impacted Percy like a train, that was definitely not something that happened the first time. It almost seemed like Dionysus cared about him, even briefly. However, that did not last long before the God scowled once more.

"And if you think you're the Hero? Don't be. Heroes are vain, they are selfish, they use the ones around them before discarding them like they're nothing. Ask Ariadne. Or Medea. For that matter, ask Zoe Nightshade. Heroes are all the same. Go, help your silly friends. The prophecy states two of them will die. Perhaps I'll get lucky, and it'll be you. But mark my words, live or die, don't become a Hero, be better."

Then with a snap of his fingers, the God was gone, taking the vines with him. Percy sat there shocked for a few seconds, his mind all confused. Who knew the God could be so likable? His mind completely blown by such revelations, it took Blackjack demanding donuts for Percy to kickstart into flying once more. Having long lost the van that carried the main quest, and knowing that the next few hours would be boring anyway, Percy told Blackjack to fly straight to Washington.

The time-displaced demigod had a lot of thinking to do. Important, deep, reflective thinking. He had just been thrown years into the past by a sneeze caused by the Lord of Times goat fur allergy. Wow, wonder if that's the first time that sentence had ever been thought off. Images of Kronos sneezing and sending various titans back in time until they banned satyrs from Othrys crossed his mind. Percy nearly laughed so hard he almost fell off Blackjack. He was way too young to be a Percy Pancake.

All these in-depth ponderings lasted him until they landed near the Washington Monument. Blackjack was starting to sound a bit tired, so it was fortunate that they had reached their destination. Unfortunately, it seemed they had beaten the van to here so they were bored with nothing to do. To waste time, and fulfill a promise, Percy went and bought some donuts from Krispy Kreme. Wandering back, he held the box up for Blackjack to eat directly from. As the Pegasus slurped up a particularly delicious-looking Strawberry Cheesecake one, he knocked a Cookies and Kreme one out of the box.

Quickly, Percy raced after it, trying to get it before it rolled off. Crawling on the grass, he finally managed to snag it. His moment of triumph was interrupted by a shouted cry.

"I'd say, what is that man doing to that horse?" This was followed immediately by some offended gasps, and a young child screaming "Mommy, I wanna play with the horse too.!"

Dreading what he would see, Percy looked around slowly. It seemed the donut had rolled underneath Blackjack, and in his recovery quest Percy had also ended up underneath the Pegasus. It also didn't help that Blackjack kept making highly sexual horse moans, probably from the deliciousness of the donuts, and not whatever their position implied.

Quickly Percy pulled out, his hands scrambling to find purchase on Blackjacks flanks as he also simultaneously tried to distance himself.

"I swear, I was trying to get a cream donut. You know a little round hole of creamy tastiness."

The crowd looked even more horrified, and one even seemed to be trying to call the police. Quickly a thought came to him. Snapping his fingers, he tried to command The Mist.

"You just see a man bareback riding his horse, and nothing else."

For some reason, it seemed The Mist didn't work as some members of the crowd fainting in shock. Knowing a quick escape was needed, Percy shouted for Blackjack to run, as the Demigod also sprinted away from the disgusted public. Angry yelling followed him down the street as Percy quickly ducked into an alleyway before hiding behind a trashcan.

His introduction to the past could definitely have gone better, there was no doubt about that. Silently he prayed to Poseidon that no other God had seen that scene out there. Hermes, and Apollo, would no doubt heckle him for the rest of his life if they caught a hold of that.

Gradually the sounds of disgust, searching policeman, and one particularly offended Grandma, had died down, so Percy risked a quick look out at the street. It seemed his timing was impeccable as he saw the quest all standing around with Grover pointing at a building before they all trudged off.

Percy waited another minute, knowing he would see Dr Thorn in a minute. The Son of Poseidon knew that he could manage to stop those Spartoi before they were even created. Perhaps, or maybe just stopped them from having a way of tracking the quest mates.

There the evil manticore was, so as sneakily as he could, Percy tried to follow him. Suddenly, Percy facepalmed with startling ferocity. The smacking sound almost alerting the monster of his stalker. It had occurred to the Halfblood that in his pocket was still Annabeth's Cap of Invisibility, which he quickly slipped on.

Carefully, the chase was on. Sometimes though, Percy got a little bit too close, and the Manticore would sniff before looking around. He really hoped it was the monster smelling his Demigod Blood, and not the Perfume of Aphrodite that Percy swore he could still smell even through his consciousness time traveling. The thought almost made him gag, and that sound would have alerted Thorn just as easily.

Just as Percy suspected, or at least remembered, Dr Thorn went inside the Museum of Natural History which was currently closed for a private event. Percy really should use his future knowledge for good, but it did briefly cross his mind that he could also bet on all these future events that he already knew the results for.

The inside was as expected, a dozen armed guards, a couple Dracaena, Luke, Thorn, and Atlas. It was like an old high school reunion. Percy was looking at past pictures of people like, what happened to you all?

'Luke, my man, see you used to be your own person and not an ugly vessel for an evil, megalomaniac Titan. And Atlas, see you were free to walk around and stuff, no holding the weight of the world every day. Also, Thorn, look, all alive and stuff.'

Percy snorted at the thought. The sound echoing through the open chamber. Atlas leaned forward in his chair.

"Thorn, did you just fart?" The Titan of Strength growled. Percy was both amused, and offended, did his snorts really sound like farts?

Dr Thorn seemed highly offended. "Of course not, General." He sniffed arrogantly. Luke, even in his sickly state, couldn't hold in his chuckles. The General scowled at both of them, before calming.

"Where are they, and how many?"

Thorn thought about it for a moment. "The rocket museum. Four of them. The Satyr, a black-haired girl in punk clothes, and two hunters."

Hades, the monster's terrible French accent was irritating. It seemed Atlas agreed, because before they could blink, the Titan was out of his chair and had launched his spear at the Manticore. It pierced through Dr Thorn, who then he burst apart in a shower of sand.

"Teach him to lie to me about farting. I know about farting, and that was an insult in farts. I'd show you a real one." The Titan proclaimed in the stunned silence before letting rip. An almost visible noxious gas rose around Atlas. Instantly the effects were felt by all, one of the Dracaena disintegrating to death by the sheer power of the fart. Luke swayed in his spot, trying to force himself to remain stoic, as many of the armed guards fell to the ground either to puke or pass out.

Percy was gagging himself, his eyes tearing up, at least Aphrodite's perfume smell was finally gone from his mind. This was just as potent, and it was only his recent exposure to such deadly gases that he didn't reveal himself through throwing up.

Coughing slightly, Luke spoke up with a strangled voice. "Very good, Sir. Would you like me to deal with the Quest?"

Even from the slight distance, Percy could hear the desperation of Luke to leave the room.

"No, I've already sent a playmate for them. In the meantime, something to bring down the Hunters. Bring out the teeth!" The Titan commanded as he pulled out a slash of silvery fabric. The one with Zoe's scent on it.

The remaining standing guards rushed out of the room, Atlas stupidly thinking it was them all attempting to follow his commands rather than just trying to escape the toxic room.

A couple minutes later, one guard hesitantly came back into the room with what looked like earplugs shoved up his nostrils. The guard carried a few teeth, and even from the other side of the room, Percy could tell they were the teeth for the Sabre Tooth Tiger, and not the tyrannosaurus.

As they completed the ritual, Percy darted forward, managing to snag the Hunter's fabric away from the slackened hand of Atlas. The Titan too much in shock at the sight of twelve cute, and cuddly, kittens. However, as generally happens, Percy's plan didn't go to plan and he tripped over on his way out. Sprawling right in the middle of the little orange and black striped kittens.

Thinking it was all a game, the cute little things jumped all over him and began sniffing, before they turned ferocious. One started gnawing on his arm, whilst a couple others started gnawing on his leg.

"Ahhh! They've got me! I'm dying!" Percy screamed as he thrashed about, knocking the invisibility cap off his head. Atlas, and Luke, stared at his "agonized" form being attacked by the kittens, their little tiny teeth barely making a dent in his skin let alone coming anywhere near close enough to kill him. It took Percy a second to realize this himself, before he jumped up, scooping the cap off the floor, and sprinted off. In vain he tried to shake the cats off himself with moderate success.

The Titan, and Lukes, last sight of him was of the Demigod turning a corner whilst shaking a leg that still had a furry kitten clinging to it.

"That's our main enemy?" Atlas asked in disbelief to the man next to him. His only answer is stunned silence.

**Author's Note: Another chapter of randomness, made just for you. Again, just randomly wrote, and wanted to see where I ended up. This is it. Please read, and review. **


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